Card Captor Sakura Gets a Computer!
by Odd World
Summary: If the CCS crew could e-mail each other, what would those e-mails say? Chapter 7 up, Touya's Outbox!
1. Sakura's outbox: Inside This Chapter: Su...

Disclaimer: Definitely don't own CCS. Pretend to, don't though. Will bite if this is mention in my presence.  
  
I saw something like this for 'Harry Potter' and thought it hilariously funny; I've decided to do one for CCS. Hope you all like it!  
  
Card Captor Sakura Gets a Computer  
  
Made up at 11:30 by: Odd World  
  
~Letters from Sakura~  
  
OR: Sakura's Outbox  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org, Tomoyo Daidoji kawaiigurlluver99@daidoji.org, Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com, Yukito Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org, Chiharu Mihara liarsshallburn@pinkness.com, Naoko Yanagisawa vegtablesRscariest@foureyes.net, Rika Sasaki junebug2222@hotmail.ja, Takashi Yamazaki fibber_at_large@yahoo.ja, Nakuru Akizuki 2cute4u@guardian.org, Kaho Mizuki priestessofthemoon@darkmagicians.com  
  
Subject: WAI!!!  
  
Konnichiwa minna-san!  
  
My wonderful Otou-san saved up and bought Onii-chan and me a computer! Isn't that the best? Now I'll be able to keep up with everyone ^_^!!! I'm so happy! Wai!  
  
With Luv,  
  
Sakura Kinomoto  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Re: Hello.  
  
Dearest Syaoran-kun,  
  
Yes I'm keeping in touch with Eriol-san, why do you ask? I don't think he'd appreciate what you called him in your letter. I don't think he's the Spawn of Satan! I don't know why you don't like him; he was on our side all along! And no, I don't find Tomoyo-chan's e-mail address suspicious. Why is it? Please tell me! I'm confused! ^_^ I can't wait 'till our next date! Unfortunately Onii-chan was looking over my shoulder while I was reading your letter, so you better come in by the back door.  
  
Love you lots,  
  
Sakura  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Spinel Sun blacksun@guardian.org  
  
Subject: Re: Damned Ruby Moon!  
  
Dear Spinel-san,  
  
I'm so sorry you had to hear about me getting a computer from Nakuru-san! I didn't know you used computers, much less had an e-mail address! Gomen nasai! Gomen nasai!!!  
  
I hope you are well, and please don't let Nakuru-san get to you!  
  
With Luv,  
  
Sakura Kinomoto  
  
PS: Kero-chan wants to know how you can type without any fingers. He's considering getting an e-mail address of his own, but he couldn't before because I refused to type for him.  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidoji kawaiigurlluver99@daidoji.org  
  
Subject: Kero's got an address  
  
Dear Tomoyo-chan,  
  
Spinel-san told Kero-chan how to type. All he has to do is turn into his true form and file his claws so they are blunt (which I had to do for him -_-*) and then he can type! But he did scare Otou-san one evening. I'm thankful I told Otou-san about him before, but it still startled him. He didn't expect a lion to be at the computer!  
  
His e-mail is radiantsun6@guardian.org ^_^. He'll probably tell you about it, but knowing Kero-chan, he'll get impatient, click the 'send' button lots of times, and flood your inbox. You should watch out for that.  
  
I had a fun date with Syaoran-kun last night, but there was some trouble with Onii-chan when we got back. It involved a spatula and a carrot. I don't know if Syaoran-kun would like it if I told you the details.  
  
With Luv,  
  
Sakura  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com  
  
Subject: Ohayou!  
  
Dear Eriol-san,  
  
I'm glad to hear everything is going so well in England. My own two guardians are acting great! Syaoran-kun and I are getting along splendidly. He still has some hard feelings against you, but I think we can change that ~_^  
  
What do you mean when you say, "beware the 24th"? Come to think of it, that's the day of my next date with Syaoran-kun! What's going to happen?  
  
Why is your address "concentrated_evil"? That's a funny name.  
  
Tell Mizuki-sensei I said hello!  
  
With Luv,  
  
Sakura Kinomoto  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Takashi Yamazaki fibber_at_large@yahoo.ja  
  
Subject: Re: Did you know.  
  
Dear Yamazaki-kun,  
  
No, I didn't know that bears originally had 10-foot long tails. That would be a strange sight! Don't worry, I won't tell Chiharu-chan you told me this. Why don't you want her to know about bears?  
  
With Luv,  
  
Sakura  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Chiharu Mihara liarsshallburn@pinkness.com  
  
Subject: Re: LIES! ALL LIES!!!  
  
Dear Chiharu-chan,  
  
Hoe! How did you know that what Yamazaki-kun told me in his last letter?! And how did you know it was a lie?! Hoeeee! Scary T_T!!!  
  
With Luv,  
  
Sakura  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
Subject: none  
  
Dear Kero-chan,  
  
Now just because there wasn't enough pudding for you last night was no reason to send me hate mail! That's not nice! I'm your friend!  
  
With Luv,  
  
Sakura  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidoji kawaiigurlluver99@daidoji.org  
  
Subject: Disastrous!  
  
Dear Tomoyo-chan,  
  
It was horrible! Just absolutely horrible! Syaoran and I went to a very nice restaurant on our last date and guess who was there too? Onii-chan! He was eating with Yukito-san when we came! The waiter sat us across the room from them and when Onii-chan saw us, he got very angry. He watched us the whole time, but Syaoran-kun didn't know because his back was facing him. And when we were finished eating, Syaoran leaned forward to kiss me and Onii-chan threw his dinner plate at Syaoran-kun's head! Then Syaoran set Onii-chan's arm on fire! Oh, it was horrible: the police came and every thing! But Syaoran was having a concussion so they couldn't really arrest him. Onii-chan is in jail, Syaoran-kun is in the hospital, and Kero-chan just won't stop laughing! It's NOT funny! Can you call me? We should go visit Syaoran-kun later. Otou-san would come too, but he has to pay Onii- chan's bail.  
  
With Luv,  
  
Sakura  
  
PS: Eriol had said something like 'beware the 24th'. This was what he was warning me against! I can't do anything about that now though.  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
Subject: Re: Did I get him good? Did I?  
  
Onii-chan,  
  
No, you did NOT do permanent brain damage to Syaoran-kun. When you sent this letter, I was visiting him with Tomoyo-chan. And I'm not talking to you anymore! That was a horrible thing to do! I'm just sending this letter to tell you he's all right. And you won't be charged with attempted murder because Syaoran just can't remember what happened.  
  
Sakura Kinomoto  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: Okay, okay, I know: this was weird. But that's just who I am, people! And this was only a type of prologue, thus the shortness of it. So you know what I want you to do? REVIEW! Tell me what you think, tell me if I made any spelling errors, suggest what you want to see done next. Touya's inbox? Tomoyo's outbox? Junk mail? Chain letters? Your wish is my command! So review! The more reviews I get, the faster I'll make the next chapter! Toodles! 


	2. Syaoran's inbox: Inside This Chapter: Me...

Disclaimer: Facing charges for biting someone who mentioned that I didn't own CCS and related characters. You can't say I didn't warn you.  
  
All right! Thank you for all the reviews! Liping, your wish is my command! And thanks goes out to kirjava-chan for 1/2 of Meilin's address . . . I don't think she'd call herself demented. I would though. Call myself demented, I mean. ^_^ And to Louise: I'm a Touya lover too, but his time shall come . . . soon, hopefully. Joey, thanks for spotting out that error and telling me about it! And to the rest of you wonderful peoples, THANK YOU!  
  
Card Captor Sakura Gets a Computer  
  
Created by the amazing: Odd World  
  
~Letters to Syaoran~  
  
OR: Syaoran's Inbox  
  
From: Meilin Li glompgurl@li_clan.org  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Re: I'm okay . . . really.  
  
Syaoran,  
  
Mou, Sakura's onii-san is such a baka! He should be grateful that you are not pressing charges! The Li clan has so many lawyers he could have been thrown in jail for his whole life! But if you say you are all right, Syaoran, I believe you, even though you started off your last letter by saying "Honestly, Melvin, I'm fine". It was probably just a typo, but for the record, my name is Meilin.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Meilin Li  
  
~*~  
  
From: Hiroshi Yakuza the_yakuzas@crime.org  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: A simple matter of territory.  
  
So . . . a Li has moved to Japan, eh? Are more of your 'clan' coming? Because, this is just a little warning for you: This is Yakuza territory. I don't want to start a rivalry with the Li clan, but my bosses might feel differently.  
  
--Hiroshi Yakuza  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Dinner  
  
Dearest Syaoran-kun,  
  
Are you sure you're up to dinner tonight? Otou-san said he doesn't mind, but Onii-chan will be there and that will feel a little awkward, ne? If you don't want to come I will understand! Onii-chan is such a baka, but I'm very grateful you did not press charges. You are so sweet!  
  
Well, if you're coming, dinner will be at 6:00, but you can come earlier if you wish.  
  
And now I think I'm going to force a certain Onii-chan to write an apology . . .  
  
Love you lots,  
  
Sakura  
  
~*~  
  
From: Hiroshi Yakuza the_yakuzas@crime.org  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Re: The Li clan is NOT a mafia.  
  
Hey, hey, I didn't say nothing about no mafia. I don't know what you're talking about. I deny it all! You can't sick your lawyers on me! I DO NOT REPRESENT THE YAKUZAS! THERE IS NO JAPANESE MAFIA! I DENY IT ALL!  
  
This e-mail never took place. Got it?  
  
--Hiroshi Yakuza  
  
Original Message:  
  
From: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
To: Hiroshi Yakuza the_yakuzas@crime.org  
  
Subject: The Li clan is NOT a mafia.  
  
Yakuza,  
  
You have insulted the house of Li by associating it with crime and corruption. I take deep offense. Please cease contact of any kind with me.  
  
Syaoran Li  
  
~*~  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: apology  
  
I, Touya Kinomoto, apologize to you, Syaoran Li, for tossing a dinner plate at your head, for tackling you, for giving you a black eye, for any other injuries I inflicted upon you the night of the 24th, for any embarrassment this incident has caused for the Li Clan, and also for the carrot and spatula incident.  
  
~*~  
  
From: Meilin Li glompgurl@li_clan.org  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Re: Gomen ne, Melvin.  
  
Syaoran!  
  
My name is NOT Melvin! I think you're just doing this on purpose to make me angry!  
  
Anyway, I'm considering coming to Tomoeda for winter vacation. Please write back and tell me if that's all right.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Meilin Li  
  
~*~  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: none  
  
Hey brat! I have your e-mail address now! Sakura tried sooo hard to hide it from me, but I found out in the end! And now I can bug you without saying a word! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH crp wts wrong wit tis stupid ting dmn keybord  
  
~*~  
  
From: Yulan Li iamuberspiffy@li_clan.org  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Winter Vacation  
  
Syaoran,  
  
I invite the Card Mistress and you to come and stay at the Li manor in Hong Kong for this winter vacation.  
  
Yelan Li  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Sorry  
  
Dearest Syaoran-kun,  
  
I'm very sorry I haven't replied to your invitation, but Kero-chan broke the keyboard. For some odd reason "H" and "A" weren't working!  
  
And for the winter vacation invitation, I would love to come to Hong Kong with you! Otou-san says it's all right! But I didn't tell Onii-chan yet . . .  
  
Love you lots, Sakura  
  
~*~  
  
From: Meilin Li glompgurl@li_clan.org  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Re: Sure, Melvin, you can come to Tomoeda.  
  
Syaoran,  
  
You are so mean! Now I KNOW you're calling me 'Melvin' just to make me mad! And your mother told me you were coming to Hong Kong this winter! That is so mean, Syaoran. I will be at the manor when Kinomoto and you come.  
  
Meilin Li  
  
P.S.: What is up with your mother's e-mail address? "I am uber spiffy" doesn't seem like something Aunt Yelan would write.  
  
~*~  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: none  
  
Hey ho Brat,  
  
This is just a little reminder of how much you suck.  
  
You suck.  
  
From: Cerberus the Super-Cool  
  
~*~  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: I hate you.  
  
You,  
  
That apology was written under my sister's supervision. I'm really not sorry. ESPECIALLY not for throwing the plate at your head. And ESPECIALLY not for the spatula and carrot incident. I never knew before then that you could squeal so loudly.  
  
'Why don't you like him?' everyone asks. I'll tell you why. Because I don't. And I know about that thing you had for Yukito.  
  
Oh, yes, I know all about that.  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: All right! Finished! Heh, I seem to like ending with Touya ^_^ So, I'm not sure if this chapter was kind of lame or what, but I thought that was the case for the last chapter, but the reviewers liked it! My most favourite part in this one was the first Melvin thing. Jeez, when I first thought of that, I cracked my self up. But really, I think it's just the name Melvin. I find it tremendously funny (see, I AM weird, Liping! ^_^). Oh, and congrats goes to Neko Sakura! You were my first-ever reviewer! Doesn't that make you feel special? It's like rainbows! . . . Or not . . . Oh, and because FF.NET is deleting stories that use the reviewing system as a message board (they got rid of The Pencil Show! EVIL!!!) That's not what I'm doing here . . . I'm just taking suggestions. That's right. Suggestions. [Looks all nervous and suspicious-like] So, thank you all for the reviews, they make me so happy! I'll try and post a new chapter every week, but because of school, I may be a bit late! I'm doing e-mail updates, so I hope you're all okay with that. One last thing: I did kind of take Touya's last letter from The Simpsons-  
  
Homer: Even Lisa?  
  
Sideshow Bob: *Especially* Lisa . . . And *especially* Bart!  
  
[Sighs happily] Hilarious. Anywho, review peoples! I usually wait for a certain amount of reviews before I update, so REVIEW! Toodles! 


	3. Eriol's outbox: Inside This Chapter: Clo...

Disclaimer: Court says I must wear a muzzle. I can still hurt you if you mention that I don't own CCS and related characters, though. So take caution. And be afraid. Be very afraid.  
  
So many reviews. . . I'm so [sniffle] happy [sniffle]. I totally agree, The Five Kings of Death, Yue not having his own e-mail address DOES seem wrong. Horribly wrong. For the wonderful peoples who didn't get Yelan's e-mail address, let's just say that one should never let the Li sisters make one an account. . . Oh, and brace yourself, this chapter is going to be totally OOC and it may damage your digestive tract.  
  
Card Captor Sakura Gets a Computer!  
  
Written by Odd World. Because no one else is THIS demented. Except maybe kirjava-chan.  
  
~Letters from Eriol~  
  
OR: Eriol's Outbox  
  
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com  
  
To: Takashi Yamazaki fibber_at_large@yahoo.ja  
  
Subject: Re: Please help me Hiiragizawa-kun!  
  
Yamazaki-kun,  
  
It is very sad to hear that your lies aren't as imaginative anymore, and that Mihara-chan can tell immediately that they are lies. In fact, I do have a couple ideas to help you get back on your feet. Here they are:  
  
- Panda bears originally lived in America, but the Natives drove them out because they believed that Pandas were diabolically evil. Back then; Pandas had fins, so they swan to China.  
  
- Another one concerning Pandas (perhaps even following the first one): Pandas are not becoming extinct, they are slowly returning to their space colonies on Mars. And soon, these diabolically evil space Pandas will form an army so great that all you puny mortals will have but no choice to surrender!  
  
I know these lies aren't exactly your style, but it is the best I could think of at this time in the evening/morning. Add the numerous alcoholic drinks, and this isn't so bad.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Eriol Hiiragizawa  
  
~*~  
  
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Hello.  
  
My Cute Little Descendant,  
  
I hope that you are doing well. Sakura-chan has told me about the trip you two will be taking to Hong Kong together, I'm very glad for the both of you.  
  
I also have a little word of warning for you. When you return, your archenemy will have used money in an attempt to harm you. Be wary of men with crowbars and other various weapons of destruction.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Eriol Hiiragizawa  
  
P.S: Have you ever tasted Peach Schnapps? They're surprisingly addictive!  
  
~*~  
  
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com  
  
To: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
Subject: Little Blue Cheese Monkeys.  
  
Dear Sakura-san,  
  
I have seen the future, and it stinks. It stinks bad. I'm writing you to give you a little warning. I'm a-thinking, and it's giving me a headache, but I'm a-thinking that you should check in your luggage before you go to Hong Kong. So you do that.  
  
EVILLY yours,  
  
Eriol Hiiragizawa  
  
~*~  
  
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com  
  
To: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
Subject: Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit.  
  
Cerberus,  
  
I've written three letters tonight. Three. Not including this one right now. And no one thinks about how HARD it is to write those letters! No thinks about ME, Cerberus, no one. It's VERY hard writing you and your friends letters because my keyboard only has English characters. I have to cast a spell to make it turn Japanese. And spells make me crave alcohol. And alcohol makes me see strange things. And I think that in my drunkenness I have just sent Sakura-san with a letter titled "Little Blue Cheese Monkeys". You know what I was trying to say, Cerberus? I was trying to say "A little warning" but I was so drunk my Japanese got all slurred. I've just made an ass of myself! An ass! Asses go 'hee-haw' and they don't like Peach Schnapps or vodka, which they don't drink while writing a letter of drunken sadness to their past life's creation! So I couldn't have made an ass of myself, but I did! Why is the computer screen going all swirly, Cerberus? Whyu? Ssspidsinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn  
  
~*~  
  
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com  
  
To: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
Subject: Re: Why do you always send your letters of drunken rage to ME? Why not Suppi???  
  
Dear Cerberus  
  
Did I really send another one of those letters to you again? I'm very sorry. I can't remember anything after I sent Li-kun's letter.  
  
I don't know why I send e-mails to you when I've had too much to drink. It's rather strange, isn't it? Can you not tell anyone about this, please? I have a reputation to keep up. Thank you.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Eriol Hiiragizawa  
  
~*~  
  
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com  
  
To: Kaho Mizuki priestessofthemoon@darkmagicians.com  
  
Subject: Re: This morning  
  
Dear Kaho,  
  
I would have told you this face-to-face, but I believe you shall be working late tonight, and you deserve an explanation as to why you found me sleeping on the computer desk with my face on the keyboard this morning.  
  
I got drunk again. I jimmy-opened your liquor cabinet and got piss drunk. I had cast another spell to make our keyboard write Japanese, and you know how much I crave liquor after I cast a spell. Clow's habits die hard.  
  
Love, Eriol  
  
~*~  
  
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org  
  
Subject: none  
  
Dear Tomoyo-san,  
  
It's nice to hear that you are doing well. Li-kun and Sakura-san haven't told me what the carrot and spatula incident was about, but I would like to know also. Perhaps we could ask Sakura-san's older brother? Is he not the cause of this famous incident?  
  
Everything on my side of the globe is as normal as it gets. Spinel Sun had gotten drunk again a week ago and rented 'The Lion King'. He had watched it five times, with Ruby Moon feeding him sugar, and then he flew around the house, coating it in flour, before knocking on my door. I was in my study reading at the time, completely unaware of Spinel's current state. So I told him he could come in, and he did so, quite soberly, and said: "Simba, you must complete the circle of life." He then proceeded to giggle madly and promptly flew into the wall. He was out for three hours.  
  
Ruby is behaving, other than feeding Spinel four sacks of sugar on the above-mentioned occasion. In fact she rather enjoyed seeing Spinel drunk, because as I walked out of the room, totally perplexed, she was on the hallway floor clutching her stomach, laughing so hard that she was red in the face. I must admit it was rather amusing.  
  
Kaho and I are still living together, as in love as ever. Ruby and Spinel enjoy her company, so I'm glad.  
  
Being an incarnation of Clow Reed is becoming a bother. His habits are becoming rather embarrassing, although I did lose some when I transferred my powers to Kinomoto-sensei. So if you visit Sakura-san any time soon and her father jumps out at you, pinches your cheeks, and says "the force is strong within you, Obi-Wan", remember that this was an old habit of Clow's and it was more alarming in his time, as no one had known of Star Wars except the most powerful clairvoyants. Frankly, I'm relieved I got rid of that habit.  
  
I hope to hear from you soon.  
  
Sincerely, Eriol Hiiragizawa  
  
~*~  
  
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com  
  
To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
Subject: The famed carrot and spatula incident.  
  
Kinomoto-san,  
  
Tomoyo-san and I have been wondering; what is this carrot and spatula incident that Sakura-san and Li-kun try so hard to keep secret? Perhaps you would be more willing to tell me?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Eriol Hiiragizawa  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: I am now challenging myself to see if I can end every single chapter with Touya! Woo! Go me!  
  
Heh, my apologies to kirjava-chan for that opening bit. . . I just couldn't help myself! I give you permission to call me demented in your review. Which I am. But still.  
  
I also apologize for the total strangeness of this entire chapter. I kind of like the idea of Eriol drunk. But my absolute favourite part of this installment was Eriol's letter to Tomoyo. Hihi, Suppi watching the Lion King is my idea of comedy. This goes to show how odd I am. Which part did you guys like? Were there any mistakes? Tell me in your reviews! And don't forget to suggest what you want to see next! Toodles!  
  
P.S: I'm thinking of MAYBE doing a Card Captor Sakura/His Dark Materials crossover. In your reviews, please tell me if any of you have ever read the trilogy (except you kirjava-chan, 'cuz that's just a given!). And MAYBE I'll consider writing one. . . Mwahaha. . . 


	4. Tomoyo's inbox: Inside This Chapter: Ker...

Disclaimer: BEWARE: GUARD DOG. . . uh, I mean, AUTHOR WHO DOES NOT OWN CCS. Grrrr, baby, yeah!  
  
(Another warning: Four being my favourite number, this is a special Author's Note to talk, joke, mention, and thank all the people who reviewed chapter 3. This may be the longest A/N yet, so skip it if you haven't reviewed the last chapter.)  
  
Woo! I be getting many of the revieweths! This be making me joyous! And in celebration, let us all dance! Woo! But I digress. Thank you all for reading and reviewing the last chapter, despite the complete and utter randomness of it [grins at Aiyomi]. And you know what, L-chan? That's how I got the way I am today. Watch the Lion King a couple of times and permanent brain damage ensues (ARGGHH!! I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE! FOR LIIIFE!). Ripchick2002, I will keep it up, and it is very cool. Hey, when it's 2003, are you going to change your name to 'Ripchick2003'? When I thought up the idea for the kawaii ExK insert in the letter to Tomoyo, kawaii-cherrychan, I WAS literally twirling in the computer chair, squealing. Whoa, it's like some strange cycle, dude . . . sway, man. Very sway. I love Eriol, too, Sakura Angel! Yay! We're like twins! Lil DreameR: it's sad that you're having a writer's block. I hope that reading Eriol's outbox has helped you a bit! Oh, I got one! "Hey, Syaoran, wanna have a little SLEEP OVER?! Grrrrr!" O.O [pauses] . . . yeah . . . Heh. Eriol's bear, your wish has been granted! Doesn't it just make you want to spin in your chair and squeal? Wheeeee! [Dodges rotten vegetables that signify she should stop with the spinney chair thing] Oh, Polgara-C /Eriol drunk /We both can't see / We can't imagine /Him taking a twenty minute pee/ Ooooh, Polgara-C! ^_^ I just made that up! Yay! [Suddenly goes all serious and narrows her eyes] The ending wasn't strange, it was depressing! Alas, everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. Besides, I like strange things! Wheeee! Joey, I'll let you in on a little secret. . . I myself did not know what the carrot and spatula incident was until a few days ago. Now don't tell anybody! [Looks around and sees everyone else listening intently] D'OH! Aw well, you'll find out in the next chapter or so . . . Depends on what people suggest. To the Five Kings of Death: When Touya's outbox comes, the you-know-what incident shall be revealed! So I did your other suggestion instead. And it is over mentioned. Very over mentioned. Cherry Blossom Koneko, you are demented. You proved yourself. But have you ever climbed a tree beside a bike path and made monkey noises when bikers went by (I did, and some old dude came and looked up into the tree. He seemed disappointed when he discovered I wasn't a monkey)? And I made my own song to! To the meow mix tune (I think). "I like cheese, it's so yummy! / It fits snuggly in my tummy! / I love cheese, it's delicious! / Back away or I'll get vicious! / If you take my cheese away, I will have to make you pay! / CHEESE IS COOL!" Plus 2 other verses, but I have a story to write here! Aw, shucks. I'm not a genius, shortyMK2, I'm just mad. Yes. . . And soon, with my raging madness, I shall be bound in a straight jacket! AND WHERE WILL THE MONKEYS BE THEN, shortMK2? WHERE??? ^_^; I am quite an ExK fan, Bian Hu (when I read 'ExT', I automatically think of a brown shriveled up extra terrestrial). And many thanks for reviewing my fairy tale story! It's spiffy of you! ^_^ I am very glad I made you laugh like that, The Dixie Artist! Laughing is funny! . . . *_* But pain is funnier [pokes some random passerby] Heh heh heh. Indeed it is " KAWAII!!!!!!!!!!", Kawaii-sakurasyaoran, although those aren't the exact words I'd use to describe it ^_^  
  
Oh, and one more thing: Kero's letters are meant to be practically grammarless. Read to find out what I mean.  
  
Card Captor Sakura Gets a Computer  
  
We all know Odd World made it; why must we point it out so often?  
  
~Letters to Tomoyo~  
  
OR: Tomoyo's inbox  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org  
  
Subject: SOOO lonely!!!  
  
Tomoyoooo!  
  
I am so lonely and bored and without sakura to check my punctuation this letter might be one long continuous strand of info I hope that's OK with you? I wanted to go to Hong Kong with sakura but she said no so naturally I hid in her luggage but a drunken eriol sent her an e-mail telling her to check her luggage before she left and she found meee! And I'm booored! Can I go and stay with you? We can eat those yummy cakes your mom always buys? Please please I'm so bored and touya and fujitaka don't make good conversation because whenever I go downstairs to talk to them they act all awkward as if I'm making them uncomfortable! I'm not a social reject I'm classy and charming! Right? Of course I am! So please let me stay over please please? E-mail me your answer!  
  
From: He who is called 'I am' -- Cerberus, God of Class!  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossom101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org  
  
Subject: Hong Kong ^_^  
  
Dear Tomoyo-chan,  
  
I'm having such a good time in Hong Kong with Syaoran-kun! I feel really bad for leaving Kero-chan behind, but I wanted to spend time with Syaoran- kun alone, and Kero-chan always shows up in the most inappropriate times -_- ! Remember my first kiss with Syaoran-kun? Kero-chan really did not need to be there! He just popped out of nowhere, shouted, "Slip her the tongue", and threw popcorn at us. Onii-chan heard him and came to see what was happening. . . It really didn't turn out well-_- So that's why I left him behind.  
  
Speaking of Onii-chan, when I finally told him I was going to Hong Kong with Syaoran-kun, he didn't get mad or anything! He just glared and said, "if he lays a finger on you, he'll regret it". Hoeeee!  
  
I'll be sure to send you a post card, and I hope Kero-chan hasn't been bugging you! ^_^  
  
With Luv, Sakura  
  
~*~  
  
From: Takashi Yamazaki fibber_at_large@yahoo.ja  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org  
  
Subject: An interesting fact!  
  
Konnichiwa Tomoyo-chan!  
  
Did you know that Shakespeare originally wrote the Bible? He was a cult leader and had a huge following! And like some cults, he had ritual sacrifices made to this "God" and this "Jebus" that was supposedly everywhere at once. His most famous murder was that of two young lovers named Romeo and Juliet. It was so world-renowned that people made a play out of it! Now, wasn't that an enlightening fact? I for one shall sleep easier knowing that you know this.  
  
Ja ne! Takashi Yamazaki  
  
~*~  
  
From: Chiharu Mihara liarsshallburn@pinkness.com  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org  
  
Subject: Don't believe his lies!  
  
Dear Tomoyo-chan,  
  
Don't believe Takashi! He is such a liar! I'm sure that he sent you an e- mail that probably had a lie worse than those panda stories he told us.  
  
I knew he sent a lie to you because we were together, doing that Shakespeare project, and he suddenly got that twinkle in his eye (which no one else ever sees because his eyes are always CLOSED! Honestly, it's a wonder he doesn't bump into stuff all the time!) he gets whenever he just thought up a 'story'. I asked him, quite suspicious already, what was up. He said that he had an important e-mail to send to you and ran out of the house. He is so weird. . . but that's why I love him so :-)  
  
--Chiharu  
  
~*~  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of The Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org  
  
Subject: YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!  
  
Tomoyo! You are the best seriously you are so cool! I am forever indebted to you! I'll be there right away don't you go anywhere I'm a-coming! Ask your mom to buy TEN BILLION cakes! TEN BILLION!!! Seriously! TEN BILLIOOON! So you do that and I'll fly there pronto! Oh and where is your house again?  
  
From: The SUPREME Cerberus!  
  
~*~  
  
From: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org  
  
Subject: (none)  
  
Dear Tomoyo,  
  
I hope that you are well. Please forgive me for not inviting you to Hong Kong also, but Mother had only said Sakura could come. Besides, it has been nice spending time with Sakura alone. For the most part, anyway. Meilin comes over every other day and my sisters are always squealing, 'oh, you two are such a cute couple!' whenever they see us together. It gets on one's nerve after a while. . .  
  
In any case, I have mailed you to ask what you shall be getting for Sakura's birthday. As you know, it is in a few months, and I want to avoid giving her something similar to what you may buy her. I might but her a necklace, a ring, or a dog that is trained to attack her brother on sight. Which do you think would be nice?  
  
Syaoran Li  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sonomi Daidouji fujitakasucks@daidouji.org  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org  
  
Subject: Maid  
  
Dear Tomoyo-san,  
  
I believe one of our maids has been stealing from me, my dear. Have you lost anything lately? I sent you this instead of telling you face to face because Jinchi (she's the one I suspect is stealing from us) is always AROUND! She's everywhere I want to be! It's getting on my nerves. At dinnertime, she's just. . . LURKING. She's lurking around in the shadows! Everywhere!  
  
Anyway, I think she's a thief because the day she was in my room, gathering my dirty laundry, was the day I had lost my watch! And remember, dear, when I brought it up at the diner table? Well, she obviously was lurking around then, because the following day she gave me back the watch, but IT WASN'T WORKING! So not only is she stealing my things, she'd breaking them and giving them back!  
  
Your Mother,  
  
Sonomi Daidouji  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sonomi Daidouji fujitakasucks@daidouji.org  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org  
  
Subject: Re: Okaa-sama, you may just be a tad paranoid. . .  
  
Dear Tomoyo-san,  
  
Well, it is a relief to hear that you have not lost any of your valuables, but I am not paranoid at all! It's just the lurking that gets to me!  
  
Although, your suggestion of me accidentally leaving my watch in a pocket and getting it washed does seem plausible. But I still have my doubts about Jinchi. Also, this may seem crazy, but I've been hearing a loud, southern- accented voice coming from one of the rooms! Have you been hearing this voice also? I don't recall any of the servants having this accent. . . unless it's just Jinchi trying to throw me off.  
  
Your Mother,  
  
Sonomi Daidouji  
  
~*~  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org  
  
Subject: Re: About the carrot and spatula incident  
  
I'm getting fed up with everyone pestering me to tell them about the "carrot and spatula incident". The only person I want to tell is Yuki, but Yue always wipes his memory whenever I tell him! I have a feeling Sakura asked him to. Why she stands up for that gaki, I have no clue.  
  
But what I'd really like to know is how everybody gets my e-mail address.  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: Oh, I beg forgiveness, my dear, dear readers! I have not been keeping my promises! I won't make myself an excuse, but let's just say Real Life has been sucking the humour out of most things _  
  
School has been keeping me busy with a vengeance, so I just might keep the chapters updated to every two weeks. Again, please forgive me! You all know what you must do. Review! Tell me whom you want done next! I can make a guess at who will be in demand ^_^ Also, tell me if I made any mistakes or anything. I thank you in advance for your time *bows*.  
  
P.S: I hope no offence was made to any Christians about Yamazaki's little lie. Sooner or later, though, I swear, the Pope'll have me burned. ^_^;; 


	5. Cerberus's outbox: Inside This Chapter: ...

Disclaimer: If you want a freaking disclaimer, look at the last freaking chapter you freaking lunatic.  
  
I am SO sorry I didn't e-mail update all of you, but I went to my Review page to find everyone's e-mail address and it said, "story not found"! I mean, I have some of your addresses, but lots of new people had reviewed and I didn't really think it would be very fair. Gah, this is what I get for not writing down my reviewer's address as soon as I get their review -_-  
  
Oh, and I'm sorry it took so long for me to update. See below for an explanation.  
  
*Whistles* This is really getting A LOT of reviews! And some peoples are reading my other stories, too- I'm glad I've sparked an interest ^_^ Oh, and congrats to Lady Kazune Kikenshi who- although not reviewing the last chapter- has made reviewer 66. Mwahaha, spread the evilness! Much thanks to ShortyMK2 for introducing me to "Oh My Gods"! Hilarious!  
  
Pope: Should I execute this "Odd World" girl?  
  
Magic Eight Ball: Yes. She's the only thing that stands in our way!  
  
Pope: *blink* O.o  
  
Now, I have to credit Polgara C for one of the e-mails in here (it will probably turn out to be more than one, in later chapters), and I have to credit The Dixie Artist for the mafia idea. Now go forth, and laugh!  
  
Card Captor Sakura Gets a Computer  
  
Shamelessly written by the fantastically strange: Odd World  
  
~Letters from Cerberus~  
  
OR: Kero's Outbox  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Yukito Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org  
  
Subject: YO!!!  
  
Hey Moody Moony!  
  
I just wanted to tell you about Prozac. They're happy pills. Happy happy pills. I recommend that you take some. And did you know that they also have pills that deal with your condition? Schizophrenic pills!  
  
You should get your own address and stop using Yupipo's. But you wouldn't NEED to if you'd take the pills! Pretty wicked, huh?  
  
From: Cerberus!!! The Best in the West and the Beast of the East!  
  
PS: Didja hear about the carrot and spatula incident? I was playing video games when all of a sudden I heard this high-pitched squeal! Sakura won't tell me what happened. She is so mean sometimes.  
  
~*~  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: If I were to rate your suckiness on a scale of 1 to 10, I'd choose 12  
  
Scum,  
  
I know something you don't know! Do-da! Do-da! It involves Touya and the mafia! Do-da-do-da-day!  
  
From: The Cool One  
  
~*~  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Yukito Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org  
  
Subject: Re: I know where you can shove your pills.  
  
Moody Moony!  
  
You have some serious issues. It was just a suggestion; I didn't mean any offense or anything. And yes, I do get Sakura to spell check some of my letters, why are you so surprised? Was that supposed to be some kinda insult?!  
  
From: The Sun God  
  
~*~  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com, Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org, Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org, Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com, Yukito Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org, Nakuru Akizuki 2cute4u@guardian.org, Kaho Mizuki priestessofthemoon@darkmagicians.com, Spinel Sun blacksun@guardian.org, Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.com, Meilin Li glompgurl@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Questionnaire Thingy-Ma-Bobbin  
  
Starting Time: 3:02 A.M.  
  
Date- Uh. . . School is starting tomorrow. Or today. In a few hours, anyway.  
  
Name on Birth Certificate- I never had a birth certificate, but my registry in that old Council of Magicians is 'Cerberus'.  
  
Nicknames- Kero-chan, and the brat calls me a stuffed animal. I hate him. I hate him to hell.  
  
Age- . . . I forgot.  
  
Birth date- Ha! Wouldn't you like to know!  
  
School- Western. That's what it's asking, right?  
  
Location- Sakura's place.  
  
Height- My full height is enough to crush that Li boy.  
  
Shoe Size- Don't wear shoes, but if I did, it'd be a classy size!  
  
Hair colour- My fur is a classy gold colour.  
  
Brothers/Sisters- Does Moody Moony count as a brother? Well, if he does: Yue. And in some weird way, Suppi and Ruby Moon are like my brothers/sisters, aren't they?  
  
Who lives with you- Sakura, Fujitaka, Touya, and my lovable new teddy bear named Pokey the Hokey! (She was a souvenir from Hong Kong)  
  
When's your bedtime- Whenever I finish playing my nightly video game.  
  
------RIGHT NOW-------  
  
Wearing- To tell the truth, Sakura's panties. They're fulfilling in a way. . .  
  
Feeling- Fulfilled. (thanks to these amazingly versatile underwear)  
  
Eating- Pudding  
  
Drinking- Pudding.  
  
Inhaling- Pudding.  
  
Thinking about- Pudding, Sakura's panties, and the numerous similarities between them.  
  
Listening to- Touya and Yukito making out. (Do they EVER give it a rest?!)  
  
Talking to- Heh, I think we all know the answer to that! . . . Sakura's panties.  
  
Watching- Pudding. And Touya and Yukito making out on the couch. They're like animals! It's so disgusting I can't look away!  
  
-------IN THE LAST 24 HOURS-------  
  
Cried- NEVER!!!  
  
Worn a skirt- Yes.  
  
Met someone new- Pudding.  
  
Cleaned your room- HA!  
  
Done laundry- Amazingly enough, no.  
  
Drove a car- Yeah, then I crashed into a fire hydrant. Please don't tell Fujitaka.  
  
-------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------  
  
Yourself- Yes! I'm the coolest, the classiest, smartest, handsomest, greatest thing since modern yaki! No, I take that back. . . I'm tied in first with modern yaki.  
  
Your friends- I'd trust pudding with my life. Anyone else just can't compete with me.  
  
Santa- People still believe in that old fool? Well, children- I met Mr. Nicholas, and he's a thieving drunk who owes me two pints of beer!  
  
Tooth fairy- No. She reminds me too much of Eriol.  
  
Destiny/fate- There are no coincidences in this world.  
  
Angels- Pudding.  
  
Ghosts- Yes, yes I do.  
  
UFO's- Huh? Unidentified Food Omissions? Yes, and I think it's a big government conspiracy  
  
-------FRIENDS AND LIFE-------  
  
Who have you known the longest of your friends?- Clow, but he's dead.  
  
Who's the weirdest?- Clow, even in death. And that Li boy, for not finding me charming. And Sakura, for hiding a naked picture of that Li boy in her panty drawer (thanks a lot, Sakura! I had to wash my eyes with scalding water!). And Tomoyo, for not wanting to film me all the time. And Yue, for being so MOODY! Oh, the list can go oooooon.  
  
Who do you go to for advice?- The Great Cerberus does not need advice!!!  
  
Best feeling in the world- Eating sweet things, and wearing Sakura's underwear.  
  
Worst feeling in the world- Hunger, the lack of Sakura's underwear, and solitude.  
  
Who will respond to this e-mail the fastest?- Probably Sakura, nagging me not to go into her underwear drawer anymore, or Yue, just to insult my intelligence, which is too great to be truly insultable, so TOUGH LUCK, MOODY MOONY!!!  
  
Who will you send this to that won't respond- I think every one I sent this to will respond in some way. "Stop watching me and Yuki make out! That's the third time this week!" or "Cerberus, I greatly resent being related to you in anyway, so please don't broadcast it." or "The tooth Fairy does NOT look like me, you mahogany walrus! Oh, and guess how much beer I had now? It's not my fault, it's Clow! Just because I'm his reincarnation or incarnation- I can never get that right, the bitch - doesn't mean it's all my fault!." THIS IS BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL WHINEY BABIES. Get over yourselves and start doing things right! Like worshipping me, for instance.  
  
Who sent this to you?- Well, it wasn't really sent TO me; the guy typed in the wrong e-mail address. I liked it so much, though, that I decided to share it with all of you!  
  
Finish time- 3:38 A.M. (it's hard to write with these claws, you know)  
  
~*~  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Re: You stupid stuffed animal!  
  
Well, Li, if you didn't want me to send that questionnaire thingy, you wouldn't have given me your e-mail address! Oh, but wait, you didn't! AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
And, no, I don't know ANYTHING about those men with crowbars who attacked you last night. I mean, what are the chances that SOMEONE (coughtouyacough) hired some sort of MOB (coughyakuzascough) to ATTACK you with various weapons?  
  
HA!  
  
From: Cerberus, commander of the Pudding spirits!  
  
P.S: Since I'm absolutely CERTAIN those strange men broke one of your limbs, when the cast dries, can I sign it? Pleeeease?  
  
~*~  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org  
  
Subject: Re: Konnichiwa, Kero-chan!  
  
For the last time, Tomoyo, I don't know what the carrot and spatula incident is! That night, I was watching Touya and Yukito making out on the couch, and then Yukito brought out this carrot and I decided I didn't want to see whatever was going to happen next, so I went upstairs to play video games. After a while, I heard Yukito leave. Then at around midnight, I heard the door open again, and, two minutes later, I heard this really loud squeal! So, that's all I know. Stop asking me about it now, okay?  
  
And I don't think I can smuggle one of Sakura's panties over to your house without her noticing. Why do you ask?  
  
From: Cerberus the Cutely Cool  
  
~*~  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.org  
  
Subject: Re: Tooth Fairy.  
  
Eriol,  
  
Face it. The tooth fairy looks like you. It doesn't matter if she has the evil look all wrong; she still looks EXACTLY like you, except she's wearing a tutu. Even her magic wand is identical to your staff! Just admit it!  
  
From: Cerberus, the superior creation of Clow!  
  
~*~  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Yukito Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org  
  
Subject: Re: Surprise, surprise. It's about your 'questionnaire'.  
  
Yue, I honestly don't care if your Bunny doesn't like it when I'm watching him and Touya tongue wrestle. And it's not like I do it ALL the time. I don't. I swear.  
  
From: Cerberus, the yang to your yin, the Coolness to you SCHIZOPHRENIC MOODYNESS  
  
~*~  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
Subject: Re: You perverted little teddy bear!  
  
In answer to all your questions. . .  
  
Yes, yes, yes.  
  
I meant naked. No, naked. No, NAKED. As in nude, bare, exposed, undressed, stripped. And yes, I do too.  
  
No, I did not know that was your car. And I can only guess at how you'll TRY to kill me.  
  
From: Cerberus the IMMORTAL.  
  
  
  
Original Message:  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
Subject: You perverted little teddy bear!  
  
Thing,  
  
Let me get this straight.  
  
You wear my sister's panties, stuffing your face with pudding that I bought for Yuki and me, while watching me and Yuki make out?! I knew about the last part, but the first two really get to me.  
  
And when you said a NAKED picture, did you mean NAKED? Or half naked? Or visible to the naked eye? Because I know when I see the gaki I feel like washing my eyes with scalding water.  
  
Did you know that was MY CAR that you crashed into the fire hydrant, not Otou-san's? Do you know how I'm going to kill you?  
  
~*~  
  
A/N- Ha! Another ending with Touya! I go!  
  
And it seems that Eriol's prediction about Syaoran getting attacked was true. . . Mwahaha! Not like I had anything to do with that!  
  
We all knew the day would come ever since the word of the carrot and spatula incident got out. The rating has been raised to PG 13, to keep the CardCaptors-loving kiddies safe in their delusional world.  
  
About the lack of updates: Life sucks. There's more to that, but I doubt anyone cares. All you writers know what I'm talking about anyway. Remember to tell me if this chapter was worse than the other ones; I'll see what I can do.  
  
So keep on reviewing: even though the page has disappeared, I still get your reviews sent to me by e-mail (go FF.net! that was a good call!), and those cheer me up a lot. Especially if they're long ones, or if they're helpful, and they make suggestions! But even if you just want to say, "hey, I read this story and I (a) liked it a lot (b) hated it you man-bitch, why don't you just DIE and make the world a better place" then whatever. I, too, know what it's like to be lazier than a dead snail.  
  
Speaking of laziness, tell me what you want to see next! I'm thinking of a certain sexy Moon Guardian. . . Two guesses who. Mwahahaha! Bow before my EVILNESS! And bye for now!  
  
  
  
  
  
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	6. Yukito's inbox: Inside This Chapter: Pir...

Disclaimer: The pig is in the city. Birds take wing to therapy sessions. I do not own Card Captor Sakura.  
  
There were no e-mail updates because time did not permit them. My apologies.  
  
I'm working on this chapter faster than a chimp on a typewriter! Well, not really. Anyway, here it goes, the grand banana, the chapter that delves into the psyche (or at least, the e-mails) of the two most sought after lust objects in Card Captor Sakura (second only to Touya), YUE AND YUKITO!!! Oh, and the carrot and spatula thing gets revealed.  
  
Readers: FINALLY, YOU WHORE! AFTER FIVE CHAPTERS OF INTENTIONAL ABUSE!  
  
Hey! I had to drag it on like that! It's the art of suspense! What? Stop looking at me like that! God dammit, just go read the fic. And much thanks to my buddy Kyle for some of the ideas used in this chapter.  
  
Note: Nakuru's letter will make no sense. Don't try to decipher it; there is no secret code or anything. She's a rambling lunatic. Literally. (See: lunatic. Someone who is affected by the phases of the moon.)  
  
Card Captor Sakura Gets A Computer  
  
Written by a vast army of chimps. Posted under Odd World's name, who is, in fact, a chimp herself.  
  
~Letters to Yue~  
  
OR: Yukito's Inbox  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Yukito Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org  
  
Subject: (none)  
  
This is to Yuki. But first, a little message to Yue: Stop wiping Yuki's memory. I want him to know about the carrot and spatula thing. If you don't let him read and remember this e-mail, I just might let it slip to a certain winged teddy bear that a certain someone likes me to dress up in a certain pirate costume. So keep that in mind.  
  
All right. Yuki, remember that night when you brought a carrot to scare away that Kero thing? You said that Yue thought it would be a good idea; he said that Kero wouldn't want to know what it was going to be used for so he'd stop watching us after you brought it out. That was the same night we used The Spatula, incase you don't recall. Well, that night, after you left, I fell asleep on the couch. But I woke up when I heard the Li and my sister come in the house. I heard them whispering to each other, oblivious to my presence. They were both going to Sakura's room. Together. Alone. So I grabbed the carrot and threw it at the back of the brat's head. He turned around to see me coming after him with The Spatula, and I swear, Yuki- the kid screamed so loud and shrilly that I nearly mistook it for my sister's voice. Anyhow, I got him with The Spatula and he was out for an hour. That's it. That's the infamous carrot and spatula incident.  
  
~*~  
  
From: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org  
  
To: Yukito Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org  
  
Subject: Sicko!  
  
Moody Moony,  
  
Tell Touya to stop! Yesterday he got off the phone with Yukito with this weird look on his face, and he walked up to me and told me EVERYTHING about you two's disturbingly kinky sex life! PIRATES, Yue?! For the love of all things sweet and holy, PIRATES?! He just wouldn't shut up! PIRATES!!!! I thought it was bad enough when Yukito brought out that carrot the other day, but you, my dear Yue, YOU take the cake! And now whenever Touya sees me he tells me something new- the list GOES ON- and I hate it! I didn't know Clow made you capable of some of those things he told me. AND WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH YOUR OBSESSION WITH PIRATES?!!!?  
  
From: Cerberus, the un-KINKY AND DISTURBING creation of Clow!  
  
~*~  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Yukito Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org  
  
Subject: Hello!  
  
Dear Yukito-san,  
  
I hope you are doing well! I just wrote to ask you a favor. There seems to be a problem with Onii-chan. Whenever he sees Kero-chan, he gets this strange look on his face and he whispers something into Kero-chan's ear. Whatever he is saying is really disturbing Kero-chan, because he just starts screaming in horror, zooming to my room. When I go to ask what is wrong, he just keeps on repeating something about pirates! I don't know if you can help, please just talk to Onii-chan.  
  
With Luv,  
  
Sakura Kinomoto  
  
P.S: If you can't do anything, perhaps Yue can try to deal with Onii-chan.  
  
~*~  
  
From: monthlypics@piratefetish.org  
  
To: Yukito Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org  
  
Subject: Yaar, matey! Time to do some plundering!  
  
Lo, there, Yue !!!  
  
This Month:  
  
We have the best Pirates in Sexually Suggestive Position pictures in the land, all for you! Click HERE to see them!  
  
Last Month:  
  
Undress Silver-Beard! Click HERE to play!  
  
--You have subscribed to this newsletter. Please reply with a blank e-mail to un-subscribe--  
  
~*~  
  
From: Nakuru Akizuki 2cute4u@guardian.org  
  
To: Yukito Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org  
  
Subject: Re: The nature of us.  
  
Hello Yukito-kun!  
  
Honestly, I'm not too sure if me and Ruby Moon's condition is the same as you and Yue's. It's like, you know, I AM Ruby Moon, and, like, you AREN'T Yue, you know? Well, you are, but it's not like me, in a way, kind of. 'Cause I know Ruby, and I am her, but I'm not, like Yue, where you are him, but you aren't, you know? But we're different because, it's like, Ruby and I share minds, like, we have ONE and you have TWO, one for Yue and one for you. Or, probably, you have THREE minds, compared to me and Ruby, who have ONE. You know, one for you, one for Yue, and one where you and Yue meet, like a Venn diagram! You know, those two circles that overlap and are, like, all Venn-ish and diagram-ish and stuff? Well, a Venn diagram only has two circles, but it has 3 spaces, not counting the space around. Okay. So let's recap; we are different, because Ruby and me have one mind, and you and Yue have two. Or three. Or infinite, in a way, but, whatever. So does that answer your question? I guess not, hm? Well, I can explain it like this: there's this meadow, okay? Not a real meadow, but, like, a metaphoric meadow. Get it? And there's, like, two of them. So there are two metaphoric meadows. Now, one is my meadow. It has this really rotten wooden gate running through the middle, okay? And, like, there's this open swinging gate door. That's Ruby and me in a nutshell - or rather, as a meadow. There are two separate thingies, but in the end it's the same thingy, just with a thingy down its thingy. Okay? And the other meadow, it has this huge ass gate down the middle of it, like; it's a super duper huge brick wall (because Yue's such a hard ass). So, one side of the meadow is isolated from the other side, so it has all these different flowers and whatever, but it's the SAME MEADOW. Get it? But seriously, don't worry about these things. Just keep on shagging Touya, okay, because you just KNOW there are a legion of girls who'd KILL just to sniff his crap.  
  
You shouldn't get so angsty about being a false-form. It just doesn't suit your pretty face! Anyways, I have to go sugar-up Suppi. Oh, and do you mind telling me how you use carrots with Touya-kun? Because ever since I read Kero-chan's questionnaire thingy, I've been just burning with curiosity. So, yeah, see you later.  
  
Were you stunned? Were you turned on? Or were you just so breath taken with the whole beauty of it that you passed out? If you were, then you just know. . .  
  
. . . It was from Nakuru Akizuki.  
  
~*~  
  
From: Spinel Sun blacksun@guardian.org  
  
To: Yukito Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org, Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com, Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org, Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org, Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com, Nakuru Akizuki 2cute4u@guardian.org, Kaho Mizuki priestessofthemoon@darkmagicians.com, Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org, Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja, Meilin Li glompgurl@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Fwd: Questionnaire thingy-ma-bobbin  
  
Starting Time: 5:34 pm  
  
Date- May 1st [***]  
  
Name on Birth Certificate- I don't have a Birth Certificate, since I wasn't actually 'birthed'. But my full and PROPER name is Spinel Sun  
  
Nicknames- No comment.  
  
Age- That is lost to me; to stay Sakura's age, Eriol cast a bunch of these strange time spells that really knocked the sense out of Ruby and me for quite some time . . . well, Ruby's sense is always knocked out of her, so there wasn't much change there. Perhaps she remembers.  
  
Birth date- I actually don't know  
  
School- Eastern.  
  
Location- Eriol Hiiragizawa's manor.  
  
Height- False form- approx. 30cm (without the tail). True form- approx. 3m (stretched out, no tail)  
  
Shoe Size- I have no need of shoes.  
  
Hair colour- Black. Which happens to be Eriol's favourite colour.  
  
Brothers/Sisters- Technically, Ruby Moon is my . . . sibling. I do not consider Cerberus or Yue to be my brothers.  
  
Who lives with you- Eriol Hiiragizawa, Mizuki-sensei, Ruby Moon  
  
When's your bedtime- 9:30 pm  
  
------RIGHT NOW-------  
  
Wearing- My chest-plate. (I need to be in my true-form to type. As does Cerberus. Which makes me wonder: don't Kinomoto-san or Yue mind that a large lion is staring at them as they make love?)  
  
Feeling- Angry. Yesterday, Ruby somehow managed to slip sugar into my morning coffee. . . A rather large amount of sugar. I don't remember what had happened, but Eriol tells me I was rather persistent on renting the Lion King 2.  
  
Eating- Nothing  
  
Drinking- Nothing  
  
Inhaling- Air. What else? And I think you would be dead, Cerberus, if you inhaled pudding.  
  
Thinking about- How to have my revenge on Ruby Moon. Can blenders shear expensive brand-name women's clothes?  
  
Listening to- Eriol singing something to Mizuki-sensei. Ruby finds it rather annoying, but Eriol-san insists that it is his right to "serenade his love-bunny". Love-bunny. He actually says that.  
  
Talking to- No one.  
  
Watching- Ruby Moon making funny faces at me through a nearby window. The pain she goes through just to irritate me is astounding. I wonder what would happen if I open the window, right in her face . . . We ARE three stories up, after all . . .  
  
-------IN THE LAST 24 HOURS-------  
  
Cried- No. Well, maybe while watching the Lion King 2, but I can't remember. Sugar does that to me.  
  
Worn a skirt- Probably. Ruby takes advantage of my drunken states to dress me up and take embarrassing photos of me.  
  
Met someone new- Maybe. Once, when I was intoxicated with sugar, I somehow spat into the Emperor of Japan's teacup.  
  
Cleaned your room- No. That's what servants are for.  
  
Done laundry- No, but I have been stuffed into a washer machine. Courtesy of Ruby Moon.  
  
Drove a car- Perhaps.  
  
-------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------  
  
Yourself- Yes.  
  
Your friends- Yes. But for the record, Ruby Moon is not my friend.  
  
Santa- No. I wouldn't trust that fat git to clean a chimney much less fly down one to deliver gifts.  
  
Tooth fairy- No, she steals my teeth and leaves a mere quarter in it's place. And she DOES share certain similarities with my master.  
  
Destiny/fate- Yes.  
  
Angels- In a way.  
  
Ghosts- Yes.  
  
UFO's- No, but I do believe there is life out there, if not intelligent. I have a theory that Clow Reed-sama may have been an alien.  
  
-------FRIENDS AND LIFE-------  
  
Who have you known the longest of your friends?- Eriol Hiiragizawa.  
  
Who's the weirdest?- I'd say Ruby Moon, but she is, according to the record, not my friend. I now say Cerberus.  
  
Who do you go to for advice?- Mizuki-sensei -- she's very clever, if not a tad air-headed.  
  
Best feeling in the world- Tranquility.  
  
Worst feeling in the world- Eating sweet things.  
  
Who will respond to this e-mail the fastest?- Ruby Moon; asking why I won't be her friend and saying that she's mine so why can't we just be happy friends together. As per usual. Eriol; insisting that he doesn't look like the Tooth Fairy.  
  
Who will you send this to that won't respond- Kinomoto-san and/or Yue. They are a rather quiet type.  
  
Who sent this to you?- Cerberus  
  
Finish time- 6:10. My claws haven't been filed in a while, so they keep on slipping off the keys.  
  
~*~  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Yuktio Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org  
  
Subject: (none)  
  
Yue,  
  
I DID warn you, after all. I have only told the stuffed animal thing, and I don't think it will tell anyone else. It's already traumatized enough as it is. And the carrot and spatula thing isn't as great, weird, and strange as it's cracked up to be. Can you just let it slide and allow Yuki to know? I know my sister told you to keep it from him, but you could always show him in an off-handed way that wouldn't be really breaking her orders as much as bending them a little. . .  
  
Oh, and can you refresh my memory: who in hell is Spinel Sun?  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: Ta-dah! Are you disappointed? Did the Carrot and Spatula thing just not add up to your expectations? Heh, doesn't it just make you ANGRY? Because I know I'd be ANGRY. I'd be very ANGRY indeed.  
  
I'm sorry if this chapter seems a little on the short side, but I needed to finish it quick because tonight I'm leaving and I won't be back 'til the 30th! So, consider this a last birthday present to my wonderful readers. I'll try to work on the next chapter while I'm away. . . but no guarantees. So, the next update may in a while.  
  
So, tell me what you want next, people, because I honestly have no clue! Toodles!  
  
[***] If you check last chapter, you'll see that Kero-chan's chain letter took place before school starts. In Japan, school starts sometime in April, so I'm just taking a wild stab here at making a coherent time-line. Oh, and can someone tell me when the Japanese summer vacation starts, please? 


	7. Touya's outbox: Inside This Chapter: Las...

Disclaimer: I WANNA BE A MEMBER OF CLAMP!!! But I'm not. Thusly, Card Captor Sakura is not mine. I'm just abusing its characters for a couple of laughs. Ain't life grand?  
  
Hello, Readers! I hope you all had a great holiday! I know I did! Aren't things just better when school's out? I wish it could have lasted forever. Ah, the dreams of a madwoman. Anyways, I'm back, and I'm getting a very slow start on this chapter. Everyone's suggestions were so good! The Masses have demanded Touya's outbox, but I really loved TamChronin's idea of Nakuru's outbox and the suggestion from that kooky kirjava-chan to make one chapter of JUST Questionnaire things! It was a very hard choice to make, but I finally came to a decision.   
  
~FlAsHbAcK~  
  
Odd World: Eeny, meeny, miney, moe. . . Catch a tiger by the toe. . . If he hollers, let him go. . .  
  
Tiger: RAWR! Taber nack! Lache-moi!  
  
Odd World: AH!  
  
~EnD fLaShBaCk~  
  
French speaking tigers are scary. Oh, yes, and the Eleventy-First (had to check my Lord of the Rings book for that one) reviewer is Tokyo Flame, while to 100th is TamChronin. Wow. 120 reviews. I feel so . . . so . . . gassy. Ew, that's the last time I eat bacon covered cocktail weenies. Okies, go read the fic now! And don't forget to laugh!  
  
Oh, and those with a sick and twisted minds (ahem, ME) may find that Fujitaka's address can mean two things. But I'm sure we all trust our dear Fuji-chan to NOT be so disgusting (like -oh, let's say- ME).  
  
Card Captor Sakura Gets a Computer  
  
By: Oddy-chan (^-^). No, I kid you: it's by Odd World. And remember, kids, just don't try this at home. Because then I'd sue your ass.  
  
  
~Letters from Touya~  
  
OR: Touya's Outbox  
  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Fujitaka Kinomoto mount_fuji@hotmail.ja  
  
Subject: At Home  
  
Otou-san,  
  
I hope your trip is going well. Here in Tomoeda, things are at normal strangeness. Sakura's little stuffed animal has an obsession with panties. I've worn a pirate costume 4 times this week alone. My 72 year-old professor is making moves on me between classes. Yuki and Cerberus emptied our fridge in one hour; all we had left is some milk that Yuki claimed was clumpy. Yuki felt bad and bought us groceries. Cerberus ate them all twenty minutes later.  
  
Otherwise, everything is fine. Sakura and I are getting along well. I've refrained from injuring her boyfriend, and she's refrained from kicking me with her roller blades on.  
  
Take care of yourself.  
  
~*~  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Re: Truce?  
  
  
Kid.  
  
I hate you.  
  
  
Original Message  
  
From: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
Subject: Truce?  
  
Kinomoto.  
  
Seeing as you may very well be my brother-in-law shortly - if I don't critically harm you first, of course - shall we call a truce? For Sakura's sake.  
  
Syaoran Li  
  
  
~*~  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Truce?  
  
  
Why don't you just shut up?  
  
  
Original Message:  
  
From: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
Subject: Re: Re: Truce?  
  
  
And I hope you die a horrible, slow, pain-filled death that includes many carrots, spatulas, and a small dog trained to attack you on sight.  
  
Syaoran Li  
  
~*~  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Truce?  
  
  
Maybe I'll just do that. Maybe I'll go there and happily bash your computer over your head so you'll stop sending me these useless and stupid e-mails. Your call, bitch.  
  
  
Original Message:  
  
From: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Truce?  
  
Why don't you make me?  
  
~*~  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
Subject: Re: The Last Laugh.  
  
  
Yeah, well, let me say this last thing: At least I'm not the head of some incest mafia. Weren't you engaged to your cousin? Makes me wonder how your parents were related.  
  
Remember, you poor inbred bastard: he who laughs last thinks slowest.  
  
  
Original Message:  
  
From: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org  
  
To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
Subject: The Last Laugh.  
  
  
Dickhead,   
  
I'm afraid that since your head is stuck too far up your ass to call a truce, I will just have to ignore you altogether.   
  
Syaoran Li  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org  
  
Subject: Leave me alone.  
  
No. I really don't want to tell you about the carrot and spatula incident. Really. Trust me, I love humiliating that Li guy, but the reasons why the carrot and spatula were there in the first place. . . You'd probably figure it out. And that would be pretty embarrassing. Why don't you stop sending me these e-mails asking about The Incident and go film my sister or something?  
  
Oh, and is it there a new fad now to have your e-mail end in your last name? Would I be EXTRA cool f I had my address as "kinomoto@kinomoto.org"? Ooo, ooo, tell me, tell me!  
  
~*~  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org  
  
Subject: Re: Actually. . .  
  
  
I was being sarcastic!  
  
  
~*~  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Yukito Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org, Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com, Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org, Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org, Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com, Nakuru Akizuki 2cute4u@guardian.org, Kaho Mizuki priestessofthemoon@darkmagicians.com, Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org, Meilin Li glompgurl@li_clan.org   
  
Subject: Fwd: Questionnaire thingy-ma-bobbin  
  
  
Starting Time- 12: 00 - lunch break.  
  
Date- May 5th  
  
Name on Birth Certificate- Kinomoto Touya  
  
Nicknames- Kinomoto Touya, To-ya, and some smart asses at the university call me Beef Man. Has Yuki been spreading rumors. . .?  
  
Age- 20  
  
Birth date- February 29. So, technically, I'm 5 years old.  
  
School- University of Tokyo  
  
Location- Otou-san's house. But currently I'm at the university.  
  
Height- Pretty darn tall.  
  
Shoe Size- Big. . . and you know what they say about men with big feet.  
  
Hair colour- Dark brown, black, or something like that.  
  
Brothers/Sisters- Sakura  
  
Who lives with you- Otou-san, Sakura, and that flying yellow thing. Keroppi or something.  
  
When's your bedtime- Whenever I fall asleep on my mountainous homework.  
  
------RIGHT NOW-------  
  
Wearing- A pirate costume. During lunch break. Don't ask.  
  
Feeling- Uncomfortable. These damn eye-patches are so annoying, and they're messing up my depth perception. I keep on missing the keyboard by a mile and "accidentally" hitting the idiot beside me.  
  
Eating- My sushi and the pudding I managed to salvage from that flying panty hoarder. Speaking of which, Keroppi-thing, stop storing my sister's panties in my room when you're done with them. It's disturbing.  
  
Drinking- Nothing.  
  
Inhaling- Why, nothing, nothing at all. . .   
  
Thinking about- To tell you the truth: Yuki, Yue, pirates, and a whole lot of Jell-o.  
  
Listening to- The idiots around me asking why I'm in a pirate costume. "Hey Beef Man," they say, "What's up with the hat?"  
  
Talking to- The idiots around me. "Hey Shit Faces," I say, "I don't think you really want to know." Then I crack my knuckles, for proper menacing effect. They call me Beef Man, I call them Shit Faces, we have a cute thing going on.  
  
Watching- The idiots back slowly out of the computer lab. One of them just tripped over the toilet paper stuck to his shoe.  
  
-------IN THE LAST 24 HOURS-------  
  
Cried- Yes. "Stuffed Animal," I cried, "get out of Sakura's underwear!" Ha, see, I did a play on words there. Wow, Uni really does teach you something, doesn't it?  
  
Worn a skirt- It's university. I'm supposed to experiment, aren't I?  
  
Met someone new- Yeah, but I didn't like him.  
  
Cleaned your room- No.  
  
Done laundry- Yes, Sakura's. I found a pleasant winged yellow surprise looking through her underwear, too.  
  
Drove a car- Yeah, to Uni.  
  
-------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------  
  
Yourself- Sure.  
  
Your friends- Yuki, yes. Everyone else, hell no.  
  
Santa- No.  
  
Tooth fairy- No, but from what I've been hearing, she might be real, and looking a lot like Hiiragizawa.  
  
Destiny/fate- In the sense that we're all going to die eventually, yeah. I have such a positive outlook on life.  
  
Angels- Yes! And people, the rumors about certain angels liking pirates are highly exaggerated. Er, please discount the fact that I'm currently in a pirate costume. It has nothing to do with anything. Really.  
  
Ghosts- Yes, yes, oh God, yes.  
  
UFO's- Yeah. Where else did that little Keroppi thing come from?   
  
-------FRIENDS AND LIFE-------  
  
Who have you known the longest of your friends?- Kaho.  
  
Who's the weirdest?- Well, one has an obsession with younger men - EXTREMELY younger men, it would seem. Another has two personalities, two 'forms', which can be kind of confusing at times. Another isn't really my friend, but she - or it - constantly throws herself onto me it so just kind of seems that way. She also has a personality disorder. Another has a very disturbing obsession with my sister. My sister, herself, is too damn happy all the damn time. Which one do you think is the weirdest?  
  
Who do you go to for advice?- Yue, and sometimes Kaho. Jeez, Kaho, you could have a 'Dear Ann' thing going on soon.  
  
Best feeling in the world- Hitting the Li boy across the face with a spatula.  
  
Worst feeling in the world- Watching the one you hold dearest being taken away from you. By the way; I hate you, Li.  
  
Who will respond to this e-mail the fastest?- Sakura, probably, asking me, "What DO they say about men with big feet?". In advance, Sakura, they say: "Damn, that boy has big feet." Everyone else, just smile and nod.   
  
Who will you send this to that won't respond- Yue. I've been pestering him to, but he just "doesn't wanna."  
  
Who sent this to you?- Jeez, everyone and then some. Who the hell is Melvin Li? Well, I sent back this to her anyway.  
  
Finish time- 12:24. Now please excuse me while I go change out of this costume.   
  
Yue, I did it, so now you have to. No excuses.  
  
  
~*~  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
Subject: Re: Big feet.  
  
Oh yeah? And how, exactly, do you know about guys with big feet?  
  
Original Message:  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
Subject: Big feet.  
  
Onii-chan,  
  
In fact, I do know what they say about men with big feet. And it is very true. So, there's no need to be mean and lie to me!  
  
With Luv,  
  
Sakura Kinomoto  
  
  
~*~  
  
From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
To: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Big feet.  
  
I'M GONNA KILL ME A LI  
  
Original Message:  
  
From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com  
  
To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja  
  
Subject: Re: Re: Big feet.  
  
Onii-chan,  
  
Syaoran-kun has big feet.  
  
With Luv,  
  
Sakura Kinomoto  
  
~*~  
  
Ha! Didn't see that coming, did ya? Well, it happened, and Touya's going to kill himself a Li! Yee-haa!   
  
And, yes, I stole a joke from the "Fresh Prince of Belair" or whatever it's called. I remember watching it when I was a kid, and I remember not getting it. 'What do they say about men with big feet?' I wondered. ^_^  
  
So, as you can see I took The Five Kings of Death's suggestion for the original messages. That's right, I'm NOT playing the Evil Author and I DO listen to my reviewers! Ha! Wait. . . No one ever doubted me in the first place. . . Could this be the Evil Author's guilt? Nah!  
  
I thank kawaii-cherrychan very much on the information of Japanese schools. You're a lifesaver. Not the little candy, the real deal.  
  
L-chan. . . I, too, understood Nakuru's ramblings. We're like twins! Wheee! Or maybe I'm supposed to understand it because I wrote it. But. . . nah!  
  
Kirjava-chan, next chapter will be ALL questionnaire things, because of your brilliant suggestion. Now you have no say in it! Ha, your destinies are FOREORDAINED! Oh, maybe I am being an Evil Author. Either that or I'm becoming too obsessed with X. (I love Fuuma I love Seishirou and I want both in a BIG POOL OF JELL-O)  
  
TamChronin - I will make Ruby Moon's Outbox. It will be a challenge, but it sounds fun ^_^  
  
Well, my friends, I'll try and get the next chapter out sooner. I was really just adjusting to school life again. It's haaard! And, one last note: in a review, when you make the smiley _ it seems to cut off at _ !! It's really weird! Please tell me someone else has noticed this, and I'm not going crazy.  
  
Voices: You already are crazy, Odd World. You already are.  
  
Damn, I knew that. Leave this poor crazy gal a review, okay? I want to know what you thought of this whole mess. Toodles. 


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